Keep on, Keepin on..................

Spring has reenergized me!

2009-03-21T21:23:00.000-07:00

OH, how I LOVE THESE DAYS! I spent the entire day outside with my boys! We actaully got out our pool! I put maybe an inch depth of warm water in the pool and put the boy's swim trucks on about 1pm ish and they had a BLAST! Even Clarky! IT WAS CUTE! We got a lot of things done today but we also just played a lot too! It just feels soooooo good to get outside barefoot and play without having to wear sweatshirts or jackets! I have had the heat off for a couple days now and acutally opened a couple windows today!
This weather really makes me want to loose weight too :( I went to the doc today and got my weight along with my vitals before seeing the doc. That was great! Then the dumbass dr. told me it was probably about time to stop nursing Clark. What kind of dr. would recommend or say something like that!? Whatever..... I mean, I do want my body back and my bed and not have to worry so much about what I eat & drink because of Clark. BUT at the same time I know that this is my last child and I want to enjoy it to the fullest! (lol, last child with Dustin anyway.... )
I am torn on so many levels right now about what I should and shouldn't do and what is right and wrong.... *sigh* I don't believe nursing is wrong at this stage but like I said I am ready to have my body & bed back..... No judging me. Clarky still sleeps with me because he nurses in the night and insted of having to get up out of bed two or three times a night I just whip it out. I shouldn't have to explain myself but for some reason I feel like I need to or should so I am not judged even though I have the attitude of not caring what other people think. PLUS, the past three times I have put Clarky in his crib for nap time & bedtimes I have let him cry! The other day I let him cry ALMOST 3 HOURS! 3 HOURS!!! Then he threw up because he was soo worked up! UG! What the hell am I supposed to do!?
Oh well, I am tired and my neck is starting to hurt.... I wonder if I actually got some sun today!? That would be awesome, although I just don't know about my face! I am at a loss! Mandi I remember what it was they tested me for.... Lupus. (the buterfly rash is what they thought it could be) Test was neg which was good!

k,
Peace out
When should I start working on this loosing weight thing!? *sigh* I NEED to drop AT LEAST
45 LBS! THAT IS NO JOKE!!!!!!!! *double sigh*

night!

blah, blah, blah, random stupid thoughts, is this public or private?

2009-03-11T21:57:00.000-07:00

I am watching American Idol right now and eh, not much loving it right now. Why the hell is Kelly Clarkson blonde? Not loving it.

I discovered Twitter today because of Ellen Degenerous (sp?)
My tummy hurts
I am tired of having my periods for longer than a week, like two weeks..... It is exhausting
Dustin is wondering why Kelly Clarkson is looking not so good, did she gain weight? Not to be rude! I mean, I hate saying that but Why is she wearing all black? Is she pregnant? Her hair looks really bad, what the hell is going on.....? She still sounds good, I mean, she can REALLY BELT!

Did I mention my tummy hurts?
My contacts are dry... I need to take them out and go to bed
too many thoughts on my mind
parent/teacher confrence went well
I feel as though I suck as a parent/daughter/sister/mother/wife/ etc..... I just feel sucky at everything right now.....
why do people give a shit if gay people get married? Power to them, who are we to judge
Maybe it is stress that makes my tummy hurt
Ellen makes me laugh
I wish I could see the dead but I am happy that I am alive, I love life but just a little confused with it right now
I want a drink right now, not sure what, water, pop, alcohol? eh, maybe i'm not thirsty
oh, candles... I want some Party lite candles they ROCK!
I want girl scout cookies
I don't know why I bother
I didn't know this autosaves, that is interesting & much loved
I got several free samples in the mail today, way cool. I love free stuff
I sort of feel like I want to have terrets just at the moment and just cuss (sp) up a fucking storm because I can, I just want to scream bad words.
My neighbor is weird
do I have bipolar disease? Sometimes I think that and other times I think or fear that I will die soon. I mean, I know I have anxiety but I don't know what is going on. Maybe I just need to see a councelor just to talk.... I serisouly fear I will die or that one of my children will die... is that normal to feel that way all the time? I hate it! I want to scream and just FEEL FUCKING NORMAL! I want so much and wish for so much!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
that is me screaming! What the fuck is wrong with me? One of my brothers has ocd, we went through a lot growing up and I thought we came out really freaking normal considered but now I just fear that there is something wrong with me... I just don't know

peace out-

Feelings of Motherhood and Friendship

2009-03-08T12:32:00.000-07:00

Ok, so let's first start off by dedicating this post to Mandi (I think your the only one that reads this anyways!)
I, so know how you are feeling right now...Even though I don't go to school and am just a stay at home mom I seem to be slacking on the upkeep of the house, sometimes well planned out dinners, quality time with the boys etc. It seems as though there is always something and I just can't keep up. I try to think of everything as... let's keep the house as "decent" or "liveable" as possible and focus more on the kids because someday I will have only the house to take care of when my boys are off and gone to college, or starting their own families and such. It is hard to think of of future let alone what is going to happen this evening. I have had a BLAST hanging out with you more, learning about my camera that I seem to never have time for :( and just talking!
Just remember, No one is perfect and it is always a struggle to find a balance amoung things. I have no idea what it is like to go to school, take care of a family, and look for or start a job. Kudos to you! (my spelling sucks and I am too tired to spell check :) ) I think you are working your ASS off and doing a GREAT JOB! Oh, AND I didn't include the photography stuff! I know what you mean about just getting away.... I would feel more like that if I knew I could or my boobs wouldn't explode because of a toddler! We need to enjoy the here and now as much as possible.. I think we are off to a good/GREAT start! ;) About Motivation? I have no words of wisdom as I lack in that department. I try, at times, I find some mountain dew or cadbury eggs for my motivation to get something done to work off the calories that I just inhailed OR teach & explore something new with my boys. Sometimes I feel like why the hell should I bother cleaning that when it will just look like crap tomorrow? You never would have guessed it but the beginning of last week I was on my hands and knees with a putty knife getting gunky crap off my kitchen floor and then scrubbing the floor with a sponge AFTER I washed all the rugs, swept, vacuumed, you name it... Guess what? It looks like crap again! UG! Why oh why do I bother!?

It is hard. I don't seem to get much help/advice from my parents and too much from Dustin's....
I haven't talked to my mom in a month because I feel as though we don't have much to talk about... or if I do talk to her then something I say won't be right in the way I handled something or why didn't you do this? or what not. As for my dad? who knows.... it's been well over a month but again, Dustin isn't his favorite person and I would just get an ear full of him making fun of him or the boys or what is Dustin doing to help, blah. blah. blah.
So at times I see myself distancing from family that could help? I don't know... and I don't even need to explain about Dustin's parents... My Grandpa has been my life savor in everything! In fact he just got done bringing me a Sunday paper and a handful of change for the kids... (I think I can hear Clark throwing some down the stairs as I type this) *sigh*

I don't know where all of that came from just random thoughts I suppose.

Feel better, chin up, thanks for the diva cup! lol, that rymes and I like it! lol! Now I am going to go lay down because I have a bit of a head cold from someones Vanilla Bean none coffee late cup!
lol!

Talk to you soon!
Love you
Sarah

Soooo Tired!

2009-03-03T10:56:00.000-08:00

Ok, so I just subscribed to my own blog!? Obviously, I am still learning about this site and google reader at the same time!
So First off, I want to share two of MY FAVORITE SITES ....................................
1.) http://www.yesall4free.com/index.html
2.) http://www.shop4freebies.com/
These are FREEBIE sites that I visit EVERYDAY to get free samples! I have already received so many cool things in the mail... FOR FREE!! LOVE IT!
Ok, now on to today's thoughts. My room, I am not sure I am in love with the paint color! EH! It is the second time I have painted my room and I just can't seem to get it right! With our next paycheck we are going to get blinds for the bedroom so I think that will help in deciding what color to repaint it! I just have such a hard time because our trim in the entire house is a light maple color! I have so much painting to do actually! The hallway, couple touch ups spots on the ceiling, the stairs to the basement (long story), the stairway up to the boy's room!
There are so many things that we are wanting/needing to do! Dustin and I are also talking about if we have any left over money from paying things off with our tax return we are going to add cabinets in the kitchen along with an over the stove microwave! :) THAT WOULD BE SO NICE! There would be so much more room in the kitchen and storage!
Ok, today is just one of those days where I am sorta stressed about things that need/should/want to get done and along with being sooooooo tired! I feel useless on these days!
I also have three baskets of clean laundry sitting in the living room with me just waiting and begging to get folded and put away! *sigh* I hate clothes! lol

Saved 15 bucks in sales and coupons today!

2009-03-01T16:03:00.000-08:00

I went shopping today and SAVED a lot of money by using coupons and by stocking up on things that were ON SALE! Yay! I came home and started surfing for more coupons for next weeks trip and found this site http://print.coupons.com/couponweb/Offers.aspx?pid=11540&nid=10&zid=bm91 I LOVE THIS SITE! Just thought I would pass on my findings!

OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHH BACON!

2009-02-28T18:09:00.001-08:00

I am new at this whole blogging thing but I like the idea of typing my days, thoughts and feelings vrs actually writting them down. I am trying to learn all the ins and outs of the blog site so bare with me :)

I will start with today. Today was Bacon Fest downtown. Dustin and I were so excited to go because we heard nothing but good things about this event. HOWEVER.... As soon as we arrived we are ID'd at the door. Then as soon as we got in they gave us hard liquor and beer. EW! 10am in the morning? No, Thanks! Thankfully I had snuck in a bottle of mountain dew with a lid! (thanks Mandi, for those!) We had some samples here and there and learned more about bacon in a lecture. This was SUPPOSED to be an ALL DAY event but come noon we decided we had enough excitement and bacon we just came home. We are not ones for the "bar scene" We got home and Dustin's parents were so suprised that we were home so soon.... They ended up staying all day! *sigh* I am tired, but have things I am needing, wanting to do.....

Maybe I will just continue to sit here and browse the internet and learn more about this blogging stuff!

Have a great night!